she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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