its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
