You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
