He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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