I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
