I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
