I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
