the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
