On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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