god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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