i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
