Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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