If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
