areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
