Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
