the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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