Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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