Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
not ubering you a puppy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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