At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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