I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
