thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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