I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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