can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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