we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize