I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
