We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
