Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize