My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
