he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
