We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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