Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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