Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
