Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
