Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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