sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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