Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
