Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
