last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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