I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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