He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
