At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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