my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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