walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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