normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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