Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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