Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize