I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
