I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
