Rock
Scissors
Fuck
farters have to be the big spoon...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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