I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize