it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
