So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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