yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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