I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
