The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
God, I missed his penis.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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