like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
