It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
