if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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