sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
