My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
