Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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