***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
