I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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