Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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