You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it's like iHOP with fire
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
