I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
