i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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