perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
